We Raised A Good Human. What Parent Could Ask for More Than That?
Like approximately two million others in the US, we dropped our kid off at college this week. We knew it would be hard, and it was—I am still dehydrated from all of my crying. As we drove east back to Philly from Pittsburgh, I began to think about her life, our life—how we raised her, the things we did and didn’t do, and the person she had become because of or despite those things. Sending your kid out into the world on their own for the first time is a scary prospect. All you can do is hope that you raised them right. But what is right — and who determines rightness?
Starting from a very young age, we gave our kid a voice and a choice; we listened to her opinions, and she had many of them! We often had family and friends urging us to be more autocratic. But from birth, we knew our kid was a different type of kid, and we were different parents. We wanted her to trust us and trust her voice. Through our mini-family democracy, she learned to speak her mind in family debates, in the classroom, among her peers, and in print. Now, as a first-year college student focusing on political science and diplomacy, she will learn the power of her voice all the more. Funnily, before she was born, we debated bringing another human into the world. We rationalized it only by hoping our kid would be a peacekeeper and help save the world. She and her generation just might!
Throughout her childhood, we always told her the truth and talked to her honestly and openly—there were very few secrets, if any. Santa and the Easter Bunny did not exist in our house because I was not going to start a relationship with my kid by lying to her. As she got older, nothing was off the table; we talked about sex, drugs, money, religion, and politics. We discussed health (women’s especially), mental health, human rights and social injustices, and the good, bad, and indifference of families and relationships. In doing so, she is someone who can now be responsible, smart, curious, and reasonable (sort of—she is still a teenager, after all) in all of these areas. Thus, as she grew, she knew unequivocally that we would be there for her without judgment should she ever really need us. That she could talk with us about anything — always and without exception. We created a relationship with our kid that feels unique and special—and she feels it, too.
Over these past 19 years of raising this young adult, and even more so taking her to college this past week, I've learned that every kid and parenting style is different. Though I don’t agree with how some raise their kids, as those years past did not agree with ours, I now know that how we raised our kid was right — for her and for us. So, as we drove the 256 miles away from her, dreadfully sad but bursting with a sense of love and pride, we were content in the fact that without a shadow of a doubt, we had raised a smart, funny, kind, strong, opinionated young woman and consequently, a good human. And what parent could ask for anything more than that?
